Why Don't I Feel Like Myself During Menopause?

"I just don’t feel like myself anymore.”  It’s a phrase I hear surprisingly often when women talk about menopause. And it’s something I understand personally too.

We hear a great deal about the physical symptoms of perimenopause and menopause — hot flushes, disrupted sleep, changes to our bodies — but sometimes the emotional changes can be much harder to make sense of.

You might find yourself becoming irritated by things you once tolerated. Perhaps you’re more tearful, anxious or overwhelmed. Your confidence may have disappeared. You might find yourself questioning your work, your relationships or decisions that previously felt settled.

Sometimes it can feel as though you’ve become a different person.  Where did the old me go?

For many of us midlife can bring plenty of change even without menopause.  Children may be growing up or leaving home. Parents may need more from us. Relationships can be changing. Work may feel different. We might start thinking about ageing and what we want from the next part of our lives.

And then menopause arrives in the middle of all of it.

For some women, things that have been manageable for years suddenly aren’t manageable anymore.

You may find yourself thinking:

♡ Why am I so angry?

♡ Why can’t I cope like I used to?

♡ Why am I suddenly questioning everything?

♡ What has happened to me?

There can be something frightening about not recognising your own reactions.  But maybe you’re not supposed to be exactly the person you were…  There’s another way of looking at this stage of life.  Perhaps menopause isn’t simply something we need to get through so that we can return to our old selves.  Sometimes the discomfort brings things to the surface that have been pushed aside for a very long time.

Women often spend decades caring for other people, keeping things running, accommodating, compromising and meeting everybody else’s needs. During menopause, some find they simply don’t have the capacity — or the willingness — to keep doing that in quite the same way.  That can create difficulties, particularly in relationships.  But it can also raise an important question:

What do I need now?

Menopause can be an opportunity to find yourself again — or perhaps get back to who you were meant to be.

Counselling isn’t about telling you that your feelings are caused by menopause, or trying to turn you back into the person you were before.

It can simply offer somewhere to explore what’s happening.

♡ What feels different?

♡ What are you grieving?

♡ What are you angry about?

♡ What have you been tolerating?

♡ What matters to you now?

♡ And what might you want the next stage of your life to look like?

Sometimes being able to explore those questions with someone who isn’t expecting anything from you can be enormously relieving.

Menopause support in Derby and online

I offer counselling for women experiencing the emotional and psychological impact of perimenopause and menopause, from my therapy room in Derby and online.

My own experience of menopause is one of the reasons this work matters to me. I know how bewildering it can be when you no longer quite recognise yourself — and how much I would have valued having somewhere to talk openly about what was happening.  You don’t need to know whether what you’re experiencing is “because of menopause” before coming to counselling.  You can simply start with:

I don’t feel like myself anymore.

And we can begin there.

If you'd like to talk about whether counselling might be helpful, you're welcome to get in touch to arrange a free 15-minute introductory call.